Saturday, April 16, 2011
Weekends have often been tough here.
This weekend is no exception.
I've been pretty down this afternoon and evening as I have watched my kids feel rejected and deal with loneliness, again.
Before we left for the mission field, our kids (the ones old enough) did a lot of sleep-overs on a regular basis. Friday or Saturday just naturally meant calling up a friend or two to get together. We never really thought much about it, just taking it for granted. No, it didn't always happen, but it certainly did happen a lot.
Here and Costa Rica, not so much.
And it has been hard.
These same kids do have good friends but they seem to either be occupied with other friends on the weekends, or maybe not too interested in moving friendship beyond the boundaries of school.
Time and time again, just like today, I watch one child feel very sad and lonely as she sees two other friends leaving together, knowing they are going to be hanging out this weekend. She initiates a lot - asking friends over - but it often doesn't work out. Then I watched another child who waited and waited for her friend's promised call, finally called her instead, only to receive a "no" - once again. It seems that her friends don't like sleep overs. Perhaps they are nervous about being away from their families for night. Twice, one friend has come over, planned on spending the night, only to leave early in the evening without any explanation as to why. She just says that she has to go, and within minutes she is gone.
And my child is left with a rumpled heart.
It would be so nice to have an explanation, at least. Just a few words to elevate the pain of rejection.
While most people look forward to the weekends, I am beginning to dread them.
I know that it is important, in order to grow and mature, for the kids to have hurt in their lives. It sure would be nice, however, if it didn't have to happen so often.
Perhaps I feel these things more deeply than they even do. The loneliness and rejection they feel is mirrored in my own heart. Feelings like this have been carried through a long journey in my own life - a roller coaster of ups, downs and quick turns. I know I've grown in it, and am still. But the road is not an easy one and it pains me to watch the kids go through that familiar journey.
Constantly God is teaching me to find my all in Him.
I pray my kids won't be as slow to learn it.