absence

Cotopaxi at sunset. Breathtaking.

I haven't been here for a little while.

I've been scared. Scared off of my own blog.

You see, in the last week or so, I've received several emails about what I write. Good emails. Emails that have been wonderful, appreciative and encouraging. It has been completely overwhelming and it has scared me.

When I finally decided to take the advice and start a blog, my goal was to bring glory to God. I figured why bother doing it if that isn't the goal. Of course, I put in a bunch of randomness as well and babble on about many other things. But in the end, I want Him to be exalted. The crazy thing is, that from what many of you say, that is just what is happening.

For some bizarre reason, God has chosen to use my blithering. How incredibly humbling.

At first, even though it is humbling, pride set in. I thought I was quite something. I made two attempts at writing and trying to be really profound. Then I realized, or God showed me, that I was no longer trying to glorify Him but myself. So those attempts weren't published (they were about Narnia) - and good thing they weren't because they were ridiculous. That is what happens when I try to speak for myself and not for Him.

I was humbled.

So two days ago I wanted to write this but in my humility I became proud. I thought to myself: Wow, I am really writing this with humility. Look at me being humble. I am really good at being humble.... and of course then that was just pride again.

That happens to be so so often. Augh!!! Just when I finally do something without pride, I get proud of myself for not being proud and then I just end up being proud again. Kind of like what Paul was talking about - I don't do the things I want to do and the things I don't want to do, I do.

It seems inevitable that my pride is somehow going to take over and try to rob the glory that obviously belongs to Christ. There is simply no way that my ramblings and musings could encourage someone, especially spiritually, on my own.

I'm scared that I am going to write too often with pride or simply write to glorify myself - I'm sure that will happen time to time - I am fallen. I am scared that I'm going to write a bunch of heresy or that what I write will offend someone (probably already have done that). I'm scared because I feel like I have a responsibility. Yet, we all have a responsibility with everything we say and do. What I need to do is just keep giving it over to Him. If I maintain the original goal, then it is just up to Him, and He will deal with my missteps.

So I am writing to say that I am back on the wagon, so to speak. I love being able to write about our journey here in Ecuador (Eric thinks I've turned into a complete blogging geek - both he and I never thought this whole blogging thing would "take"). I love writing about what God is showing us, teaching us, allowing us to enjoy, allowing us to struggle with. And it is even better knowing that there are a few of you whom are enjoying the adventure with us.

God is so good.