Tuesday, January 18, 2011

home and away

In about 21 hours, I will be in Maryland!
I am so super excited.
I get to see snow.
(praying for a blizzard....)
I get to eat Cherry Garcia and maybe even a burrito.
I get to drink Diet Dr. Pepper.
I get to watch some "real" TV.
I get to shop at Target.
And Michael's
(or some other craft store that is larger than 8 x 9 ft)
And Trader Joes.
And maybe even TJMaxx.
And, the best part:
I get to laugh, cry (what good would a visit be without some heart-to-heart talks?), talk, craft, and just hang out with some of the most fun, giving, deeply spiritual, creative, enjoyable people that I know.

There is just one problem.
My family.

Now, when the kids were little itty-bitty things, I, for some reason, found it easier to leave. I missed them and all, and I missed my husband, of course. But it just was easier.
Now, however, I find leaving very difficult.
I love them.
I miss them.
I want to be with them.

Mia asked me tonight why I had to go.
I said, "Well, I don't have to. I really want to go. But I also really want to stay here. But since I am usually here, I'll just go for a little while."
That seemed to satisfy her somewhat.

Many times there is way too much yelling, impatience and selfishness in the house (all too often on my part). I really want to get away from it. It drives me batty. And it does me good to get away from it. It is a good break.
But it is still home.

They, the kids and Eric, are all a part of me.
I am a part of them.
It just doesn't feel right when those parts aren't together - separation, for too long, isn't right. It is painful. I love them way, way, way too much.

I think it's like that with God. With Heaven.
No matter how good life is - even if I know that He is with me here on this earth, we aren't together.
Something is missing and always will, until we get to heaven.
I believe God made us, whether we acknowledge it or not, to always feel unsettled here. To always long for something more. Usually we think that "something more" is stuff, money, relationships with people, and all of those other things - things that can be good and fine.
But what we are really longing for is HOME.
To be with Christ.
Something will always be lacking until we are Home.

I'm so excited to go away.
But I will be so excited to come home.
Its where I belong.
Its where I am meant to be.

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