Saturday, January 1, 2011

another little light

Happy New Year!!
Been at the beach for 5 days,
did my 8 loads of laundry,
baked cupcakes for tomorrow,
unpacked everything.....
so now it is time to get back into the swing of things.

Well, okay, maybe I'll be back into the swing of things tomorrow.

Tonight, after tucking the kids in, I went about my normal routine of showering, and all that stuff.
Somewhat normally, Lucy came into the bathroom while I was showering and said she had a bad dream.
It is amazing how she can fall asleep and have a bad dream within about 2 minutes time...
Yup, well, anyway, since Eric wasn't home, I said she could fall asleep in my bed.
It was at that point that she also decided that she needed to change her pajamas, get some other stuffed animals, she just didn't know which side of the bed to sleep on or what to do with our bedding, .... on and on it went.
This is what comes of falling asleep in the car on the way home from the beach.
Naps - It always (as hugely infrequent as the are) seems necessary at the time but we kick ourselves for allowing it later.
Even if she only sleeps for a bit, she won't fall asleep at night for quite a while.

my how I babble.

I tuck her in for the second time, and, of course, pray for her not to have a bad dream.
After I am done praying, she asks
"Momma, did you ask Jesus to come into my heart?"
"No", I say, rather surprised.
"Why not?"
"Because that is something you have to do."
"Well, I want to", she says.
I ask her why she wants to -
"Because I love Him so much!"
Well, after we talk it through a little, we decided that she should pray after me.
With great big smiles and lots of "I love you, Jesus"'s we finish.

She asked me if Jesus was in her heart now.
I told her yes - with some degree of simplistic explanation how He isn't there physically.
"Is He cleaning my heart?"
"Yes honey, it's all clean."
(silently I am thinking..... He might not be done. It could take a while with this child....
Okay, I wasn't really thinking that, and yes I know it doesn't make a difference.)

She beamed.

After retucking, snuggling and all that good stuff, I went and told Maddy what happened.
She asked if it was real or only another stalling tactic.
Good question.

While I don't think it was a stalling tactic - it was too genuine how it all came about - only God knows if it is real - just like, as I told Maddy, only God knows if it is real for her.
All four of the kids have now "asked Jesus into their hearts", whether that phrase if distinctly biblical or not, at a young age.
But just like with me, the now 41-year-old, only God knows my heart.
I guess a five-year-old could be more sincere and committed to Christ than a 40-year-old who has "lived their whole life for Him".
We only deceive ourselves if we think we know.

I "asked Jesus into my heart" when I was five (almost six, I believe).
I really believe, as much as I can remember, being sincere.
My motives where not as pure and beautiful as Lucy's seemed to be - I was afraid of hell.
While I "followed" God from that point on, it was when I was 13 that it really started to become real to me - that Jesus, being God, was not just my Savior - saving me from the reality of hell, but that He needed to be - and I wanted Him to be - my Lord.
The Lord, director, the one-in-charge-of, my life.
And it was only in my thirties that I realized that He needed to be - and I wanted Him to be - my Treasure.
The very most important thing, what I sought after more than anything, what I valued and longed for most.

And those last two?
I am still learning, and probably always will be.

So yes, there is a sixth and final "light" in our precious family.
Now my job, in God's strength and wisdom, is to take these little lights and help fan them, fuel them, protect them and expose them and pray that they roar and flare into great big blazes for His Glory.

No comments:

Post a Comment