Monday, December 19, 2011

not the most pleasant topic

I'm going to be somewhat round-about in this post, but if you don't like poo-poo talk, find a different blog to read today.

I was too late to the bathroom again.  This has happened many times in the past three days, and I've had the issue for four now.  I'm feeling rather crappy lousy.  My family left about 2 hours ago for the beach for our little holiday getaway and I remain at home.  I bantered back and forth, over and over deciding if I should go or not - driving my otherwise very patient husband batty.
Obviously we decided (I say we because I begged him to help me make the call) that I should stay and I'm glad that I did.  Fifteen minutes after they left I wasn't fast enough getting to my new best friend, the bathroom.  And twice more in the past two hours.  Good times.  Did I mention that I am feeling rather poopy yucky?
I'm not so thrilled to be without my family but I so wanted them to go and have some fun.   We were supposed to leave yesterday but decided to wait to see if I felt better today.  No such luck.  I still debated going but wasn't that keen on the five hour drive.....if I can't even make it to the bathroom in my own house, the drive won't work out very well.  And even when I do get to a bathroom, the are inevitably filthy, unstocked, and crude.
As I was just now taking my second shower of the day, and feeling rather sorry for myself, I believe God brought to mind a little girl that I met this past year.  I wish I had her picture, but at the time I couldn't bring myself to take it.... it felt too cruel, capturing this sweet innocent girl in humiliation.  But now I realize what probably wouldn't really have affected her (she most likely wouldn't have noticed) could have strongly impacted each of us.
We were on one of our trips to the jungle.  This little girl was around four years old and must have had Downs Syndrome.  She was wandering around the village by herself for hours.  She had a very dirty t-shirt on and nothing else - nothing covering her little bottom except for layers and layers of dried on poop.  I believe she must have had diarrhea, as many kids there do (they are so often filled with parasites that diarrhea is a way of life).
She was alone, filthy, smelly, and none of the other kids played with her.

While in the shower, feeling rather crappy awful, and loosing my bowels again while in the shower (sorry for being blunt), I felt like that little girl.  Alone, filthy, smelly.  And then God walloped me over the head with my self pity.
I was in a hot shower - and I had three in my very nice house from which to choose.  I could get clean and unsmelly in minutes.
I had three (technically four, but one isn't working) bathrooms to choose from).
I have a family who did not want to leave me alone (well, okay, the kids were mostly fine with leaving me at home - but they didn't want me to be sick!).  Eric's biggest concern was leaving me alone for three or four days.
I have a husband who was eager to help me out - even going to the store to buy some adult diapers.  And even loved and kissed me when I wore them.

It has been hard.  This whole fall has been very difficult with feeling poopy  bad so often with headaches, migraines and now this.  I feel like the crappiest lousiest wife and mother ever.  But I am so blessed.  My husband and children are so patient and kind to me.  Their understanding and love have been overwhelming.  My friends haven't given up on me.  Those to whom I have made commitments and haven't been able to follow through have had understanding.  I really am blessed.
Lord, I'm sorry for complaining.
I'm sorry for my wallowing.
Thank you for so many blessings.

And the little girl?  I hope to see her again.  And I know that in spite of the miseries of this earth, Jesus can't wait to hold her tight and does even now.  I am praying for her.

Now please excuse me - I don't want to be late again.....

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