emotion

I have been having a hard time thinking through this move.  Normally when we head “home” - Manitoba - I am thrilled with everything I see, smell, taste and see.  It is all rich and beautiful and magical.  Memories flood back to me and I am delighted to be back to my roots.  Things have been very different this time around.  After 25-ish years, now planning to move back, I am looking at everything completely differently.  I am analyzing everything, evaluating and measuring everything up....do I really want to move back here?  How is it going to be?  After being in love with the prairies for 43 years, now I am not so sure.  Steinbach is a great place place to raise kids - I’ve always believed that (and have been told that several times since we arrived), but do I still believe that now?  I mean, yes, it absolutely is, but is it the place I want to raise our kids?

Where are we going to live?  What house will we have and can’t we just buy one now? - but I don’t want to because that is so permanent.  I want to be back in Quito - I don’t want to be done there.  What are we going to do, how will we make money?  How is everything going to work with Eric’s permanent residency?  What is he going to do?  

There have been a million different thoughts, questions and emotions coursing through my brain and heart and I can’t seem to sort them out.  I’ve been on the verge of tears for days not understanding how I am feeling and wondering why I am feeling anything but gratitude.  But I am so grateful to God.  Even with all of this chaos we have experienced in the last few weeks and the mayhem in my being, here is what He gave me on the very day I needed it the most....  This is taken from “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young, June 27:

“Rest with me a while.  You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days.  The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you.  Instead, focus our attention on Me, Your constant Companion.  Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you.  You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once.  Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you.  Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence.  The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment.  I am with you watching over you wherever you go.”Psalm 143:8  “Let the morning bring me work of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”

Genesis 28:15 “I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land.  I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

He knows just what I need to be reminded of.