get it out to the world

Had to share with the world - posted on Inspired by Family Magazine.

http://inspiredbyfamilymag.com/2012/02/19/snapshot-sunday-2/

oh that girl.....

Before I get to that girl, I need to confess something.  I met a man yesterday whom I am very much in love with.  He works for the electricity people.

The very insightful, wise man came to check on our neighbors because they hadn't paid their power bill and if they don't pay it by tomorrow, their power is getting turned off.  Enough about their problems....  So anyway, I bumped into this brilliant man again this morning just on the street.  He greeted me with a big smile, and said "Hola niña!" (niña is a girl).  He asked me if I talked to my neighbors, blah, blah, blah (enough about their problems) and then said "Gracias joven!" (joven mean young).

I could have kissed him.

Moving on.....

That girl.

First, a piece of her homework:

She wrote "I want to play with my friends." and her teacher let her know that messiness is not acceptable.  Lucy, being Lucy, replied to her teachers comment (I am hoping and assuming that she did this at home, without her teacher seeing it).

And a little more Lucy...  I've been gone a lot recently (part of the reason this blog has been vacant for so long).  First to Maryland, then to California.  Yesterday I spoke with Lucy teacher who informed me that Lucy told her that I was gone only to get her toys.  My sole purpose in going away.

You see, the kids - much to their delight - got some money for Christmas from some grandparents.  So now they could buy some gifts for themselves.  Since I was going to the states for OTHER REASONS, they ordered some toys with their money.

Later I told Eric what her teacher said and he, Mia and Cade started laughing.  They informed me that she also had said something to the effect of "If mommy dies, does that mean we won't get out toys?".  Eric told her that most likely I won't die - everything will be fine.  "I know daddy, but if she does, I still want to get my toys."

Such love.

I'll fly away, oh glory

I just don't know if I'm ready to fly away to Glory...

Every time I leave my family I get this impending sense of doom.  Perhaps it is my natural negative tendencies trying to resurface.  But as excited as I am to be going on some adventure or trip, I drive myself crazy thinking that it could be my last and I will never see my husband or children again.

So much for my faith, my joy in seeing Jesus and my perspectives on life, death and eternity......

Then I get very frustrated with myself for a lot of the reason that I feel this way.  I feel this way because I am self centered and egotistical.  I mean, I really do think about how hard it would be for the kids and Eric to lose a mother and a wife.  I think about their pain, their sadness and the struggles that they would feel; the possible anger that they would have against God.  But the truth of the matter is, the first thought that comes to my mind is that they would forget about me.  Even worse, I think about how my children, Lucy in particular, might not even remember me.  And I think about getting replaced.

This is a pretty ugly side of me.

So this morning, since I will be gone tomorrow morning when they wake up, I sat on Lucy's bed, hugged her and played with her for a few minutes all the while praying "Lord, please help her to remember this giggly time".

I wish I weren't so selfish.  I wish I had more faith.  I wish I would grow up.

But in the meantime, I struggle.  

The good side is that it makes me enjoy them all more.  It makes me take in each little piece of them and it makes coming home all the more sweet.

friendship

I've known for a long time about friends - the importance of having good friends.  It makes a huge difference in life.  Contentment with where you are (in Ecuador, for example) can waiver depending on the state of your friendships.  This has come abundantly more clear to me with each passing day living in a foreign country.

At "home", friendships are still just as important.  They don't usually, however - until extreme friendship issues occur  - cause you to long for somewhere else.  Here, then do.  Any little flux in friendships, it seems, can change the sense of belonging, comfort and what is "home".

When talking to the kids about staying here in Ecuador or going home, there is a definite pattern.  When things are good with friends - we stay.  When things so sour - we leave - NOW.

But even more uncomfortable than this tossing and turning of decisions and security is the straight out pain.  We feel it so deeply for our kids.  

It is frustrating to think that Eric and I celebrate the day when our son comes home and says "Mom, Dad!  Carlos* didn't yell at me once today and he even gave me his onions!" (almost a direct quote - hey, the boy likes onions).  

*Names changed to protect the guilty.

Or when your daughter says "She might come over!  Do you think that means she likes me again?  Am I being a good friend?"

Or another daughter deals with a "friend" who makes you feel like a million bucks and her best friend ever one day and treats you like a piece of crap (and somehow has the power to have everyone else treat you that way too) the next......  I've been there before.  I don't need to relive those days, but yet I am.... through the heart of my child.

More than ever - partly because the issues increase with age, but partly because the issues have definitely increased with living abroad - I find myself on my knees praying for the kids and their friendships.

I pray that they never, ever hurt other kids the way they are being hurt.

I pray that they don't hurt friends the way I know I have in my past.

I pray that in their pain they will cling, grab on and never let go, jump into the arms of the only Faithful Friend we can always count on.

And that they will feel His arms wrapped tight around them and hear Him whisper "You are a beautiful friend.... I will always love you more than you will ever know."

a thousand words

A very talented and highly motivated friend of mine here, Mari (the woman exhausts me, just thinking about all she does) confided in me many months ago about a project she wanted to pursue.  After much praying she finally concluded that yes, this was something she should do - begin an on-line magazine called Inspired by Family.

Mari approached me about a month and a half ago or so, asking if I wanted to be a contributor - a bi-weekly "article" of sorts simply featuring a photo that reflected life.  I wanted to jump right on it, but decided that perhaps I should pray about it first - and talk to Eric.

Well, I'm on-board and yesterday my first photo was posted.

My biweekly piece is called "A Thousand Words".  I'm pretty excited about this project.  This type of photography is something I love - even more than doing portraits.  There is a lot of fun, depth and creativity in it.

Most of the posts will go with out written word, but some will have a sentence or two in explanation.  There are already several lined up in my head.  Now I just need to make sure to pull it off!
You can find the button and link to Inspired by Family on the right side bar.

sigh....

Sick again.

Discouragement is tightening its noose.

The "Mother of the Year" is already long gone and it is only 23 days in.

Already a candidate for "Most Useless Wife".

I feel dark - but God says "let light shine out of darkness" (2 Cor. 4:6).

I feel weak - but God says "my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9).

His grace is sufficient for me.....and my family.

the guy's birthday

The following is what I wrote while Cade was watching:

The birthday guy is really cute but still is a pain in the buttocks.  I like the word buttocks - it is a cool word and is a good description of that guy in the family - the one who had a birthday.

He had a rat attack him while he was sleeping and the rat very accurately nibbled off a chunk of Cade's hair at night.  His hair must have been full of diseases because we have not seen hide nor hair (excuse the pun) of the rat since.

He didn't think I was funny, but I thought I'd leave it in for posterity sake.  Some day when he is 37 and I have made this into a book, he'll have a good chuckle (or just think his mother is psycho).

The bit about the rat is regarding a mysterious section of hair (in front, of course) that is shorter than the rest and is in a very straight line.  Cade has stood his ground for over a week now that he doesn't have a clue what happened.  Eric and I are trying to casually slip questions into conversations about it, hoping that he might slip up and tell us what happened, but so far he is too smart for us.  He's still pretty cute regardless of his odd trim.

So the boy, this guy, the dog, our man - or whatever other title we use to refer to the best son in the world, just had a birthday on Friday.  Yes, Friday the 13th.... and nothing bad even happened!

Of course we had to start the day with cupcakes for his class.  Cade wanted "blue velvet" cupcakes (as in red velvet but blue instead....) with green cream cheese icing and gummi worms.  Not the cutest cupcakes ever, but the boy was pleased.  I think some of the other children were frightened.

I kept things rather simple.  I think Cade gets the shaft the most in terms of birthdays.  By the time all the Christmas stuff is done, Maddy's birthday, my birthday, and New Years all happens, I am ready for a break.  So when Cade's day rolls around, momma is not highly motivated.  So it was just cupcakes.

One of the boys in the class pointed out my shortcomings.  "Where is the ice cream?"  Yup, I'm a lousy, stinkin', no-good mother..... no ice cream.

Cade is another one of the Ackermann children who runs and hides as soon as I bust out the camera.  It is a rare occasion where I don't have to sneak or hunt him down to take a picture.  Here, I came to take a picture of him..... he disappeared instantly and even left his cupcake.

Then I thought I convinced him to stand beside the calendar and let me take a picture, as his teacher suggested.  I should not have counted.....

Ah, finally!  And with such a lovely smile:

The evening was, naturally, filled with T.G.I. Fridays fun.  Where else would we go?

This is the look I got when I asked if I could try a little bite of the birthday cake.

"Oh brother mom, I guess so.  But it better be small!"

The next evening (Saturday) we had a little party.  Cade wanted to watch a movie on the roof, but it was raining on and off all day, so we settled into the family room instead.  He wanted to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks Two - The Squeakquel (roll eyes, sigh and say "Oh help me Lord") and then wanted an Alvin holding a guitar shaped cake.  Sheesh.

I thought I could convince him to have a nice layered cake with a Alvin toy stuck on top.  That way he could have the toy, too.  Smart right?  He wanted none of that business.....which was okay because there was no Alvin, or any other chipmunk for that matter, to be found (thanks Renae for looking!).  So after several suggestions and some hours of thought, he finally settled on a baseball and baseball bat cake (thank goodness he had baseball that morning and had a good game!).  Much easier!

The bat is a little on the "cave-man club" side of things, but why mess with imperfection?

We had four families over with a total of 15 kids.

Taking a big breath...

and he blows out all the candles!

Maddy served the cake

and Lucy served the glow sticks.

The glow sticks, or at least 75% of them, were dead.  Didn't work.  Phewy.  I thought they'd be fun to have, especially outside on the roof, but since we didn't have the roof, I guess we didn't need the glowing.

Cade opened presents at the end and got cash and lego.  Those are about the two most perfect presents for that guy!  He was elated by all of it.

And finally, the last of the birthday events - Sunday at Casa G.  It was William's birthday on Saturday, so we celebrated their days together.  First the sitting around the birthday boys and tell them nice things.  Of course I cried when I talked....

And of course, Cade rolled his eyes when I cried.

Then we pray for the birthday people.

And then it is time for gifts.  Cade got Fruit Loops,

and a set of locks and keys.  Many kids may feel ripped off about these gifts but Cade is great.  He pretty much loves any thing he gets and has been thrilled - especially with the locks.  He currently is trying to lock up most everything he sees.

And then time for cake.

Debbie put trick candles on the cake so they kept lighting up again.  They are pretty fun but boy oh boy did it get smokey in there!

And now the boy is nine.  He has already reminded me that in one year he too will be in double digits and then in four years he will be a teenager.  Yikes!  Four years is no time at all!!  He has also informed me that we will be having a VERY large party that year as 1) he will be a teenager and 2) it is his golden birthday - 13 on the 13th.

He was pretty tolerate of his low-key birthday this year (he hasn't even got a present from us yet - I'm getting it when I go to Maryland soon), but he is certainly gearing up for the future.   I better be ready!